The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
