im gay
i know
yea but for you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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