Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
