there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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