i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
