She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How external is "for external use only"?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
His nipple licking is glorious
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