Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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