I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
