No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize