is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
