He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
