he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
