dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
