He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
