hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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