You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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