Well douche your snatch and let's go!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
