I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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