The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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