Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
