Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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