and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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