Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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