i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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