her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
