My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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