Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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