Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
