How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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