She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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