We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize