my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
