Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
