if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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