The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
