Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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