What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
