Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
