i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
