Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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