Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
