i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
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Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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