i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
