Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
