I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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