just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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