Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
