we're blogging at a bar
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
