u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
