miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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