So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
