now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
