Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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