Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
