I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
