I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
