She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
