Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
