i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
