he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
