I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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