If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the night ended with taco bell and tears
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
