I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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