Your mouth is God's brothel.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
