Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
