What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
