true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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