My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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