At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
nutella sex= disaster
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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