the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
