Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
